Since I was about 6 years old, I was taught to "think" in English when I am to speak or write in English. I have acquired this skill pretty well. "Thinking in English" has become one of my conditioned reflexes. And this is probably one reason why my friends in Hong Kong used to call me gweipor, which I never took very seriously, and, by no means, was proud of. But the more I think about this, the more I think my friends might have a point.
I learned early on that I think differently when I speak or write in English than in Chinese. Depending on the subject matter, I would pick the language that I feel most comfortable to "think" in. This became more obvious when I started writing poetry in college. I believe poetry is all about expressing yourself in certain forms and sounds. It is meant to be read aloud. And, because Cantonese is not exactly written Chinese, I had a very hard time writing poetry in Chinese. It just never sounded right. On the contrary, writing English poems just comes naturally. I can read my poems in English aloud, and feel good about it.
Lately, I have also been thinking if this lingua franca has any effect on my Chineseness. It has been almost 5 years since I moved to the U.S. I speak/write English in the work place, out shopping, socializing, and even at home - thanks to my non-Chinese speaking gweilo husband. The only times I speak in my mother tongue is either when I'm with my son (AND when my husband's not around), or calling my family and friends back in Hong Kong.
There's basically no way to find out if I've become less "Chinese" because of my increased use of English, unless I can somehow put another me in a control environment - something like a Chinese-speaking western country, if such exists!
One thing I know for sure is that I can't keep up with the slangs in Hong Kong any more. I have such a hard time understanding what is written in those youth magazines in Hong Kong. My greatest fear is that on my next visit to Hong Kong, I would sound like a 50-year-old because of my inability to understand the new slangs.
It's a shame to feel that one has to practice one's native language!
I learned early on that I think differently when I speak or write in English than in Chinese. Depending on the subject matter, I would pick the language that I feel most comfortable to "think" in. This became more obvious when I started writing poetry in college. I believe poetry is all about expressing yourself in certain forms and sounds. It is meant to be read aloud. And, because Cantonese is not exactly written Chinese, I had a very hard time writing poetry in Chinese. It just never sounded right. On the contrary, writing English poems just comes naturally. I can read my poems in English aloud, and feel good about it.
Lately, I have also been thinking if this lingua franca has any effect on my Chineseness. It has been almost 5 years since I moved to the U.S. I speak/write English in the work place, out shopping, socializing, and even at home - thanks to my non-Chinese speaking gweilo husband. The only times I speak in my mother tongue is either when I'm with my son (AND when my husband's not around), or calling my family and friends back in Hong Kong.
There's basically no way to find out if I've become less "Chinese" because of my increased use of English, unless I can somehow put another me in a control environment - something like a Chinese-speaking western country, if such exists!
One thing I know for sure is that I can't keep up with the slangs in Hong Kong any more. I have such a hard time understanding what is written in those youth magazines in Hong Kong. My greatest fear is that on my next visit to Hong Kong, I would sound like a 50-year-old because of my inability to understand the new slangs.
It's a shame to feel that one has to practice one's native language!
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