One thing I know for sure is that I don't want to be a stay-home mom. I am by no means a workaholic nor am I career-crazy. I just know that I'm not, and never will be, a good housewife. It's probably an excuse, but I have to say I suck at household chores. I can keep the house moderately clean and organized, but never spotless, an interestingly sharp contrast to what my husband can do.
Yet on the other hand, I have this increasing urge to spend more time with my son, especially when he'll be starting real school in just a few years. I want to be there when he comes home from school and help him with his homework. I want to do art projects with him. I want to make him treats while he's doing his homework. My mom is a housewife, and I know how precious the experience is for a child to have someone by your side whenever you need help and guidance.
I feel bad that I don't spend enough time with my kid - between working, cooking and sleeping, I probably spend no more than 3 hours a day with my son (well, except for the weekends). At the same time, the idea of being a housewife drives me nuts. And, so there's this strong sense of guilt in me that I don't know how to deal with.
Men don't struggle as much, if at all, on this issue. Women are supposed to nurture their children, not men. I know this is the 21st century and everything, but I guess I'm more of a traditionalist than I think.
Anyway, I'll use the next few months to explore what options I have in life, and make sense of what's best for me and my family.
9 comments:
Have you considered part-time or freelance jobs?
I don't think it's about traditional (or old-fashion) or not, it really about what's the best for the child. Undeniably, spending more time with the child is better for him.
I totally understand what you meant. I think we're very similar in a way how we look at working mom and staying home mom. That's why I'll stay at my current job until I retire, if nothing happens, actually, I don't think anything will happen.
I think it would be wonderful if more businesses understood this dilemma and offer more family friendly working hours. When we have children of school age I would love to work 8-3 m-f. I do not think that if more companies offer these types of hours that productivity would decrease overall as some might expect. On the contrary, if you give people time with their families then they will lose the guilt and become more focused at work, thereby more productive not to mention happier
yun,
Yes, I'm serioiusly considering freelance jobs. But it'll take some time for me to develop a strong client-base so I don't feel like I'm always waiting for jobs to come!
readandeat,
I probably wouldn't think about this too much if I'm still in HK, because it's so easy to get help there. You can have maids or you can ask your family to help with baby sitting, etc. Here, it seems more tough.
ellen,
I totally agree! I know there're companies out there that really "family-friendly". Unfortunately, where I'm at, there're not a lot of progressive companies like that.
We had a nanny until my daughter turned 2. Now we're taking care of her by ourselves. Sometimes it's really tough because you basically have no time to do anything for yourself or even together.
But, your son is going to school this fall. You can spare some of your time to do some freelance jobs, like translation, at home. I can help you if you want.
readandeat,
Yeah, sometimes I can't even find time to read. Anyway, it's really nice of you to offer your help. Maybe we can talk about that via emails so we can talk in private. I don't see any email links on your blog, but you can always email me at hongkieintexasATgmailDOTcom. Thanks!
Hiya, I'm a fulltime mom/maid from HK. Don't really have any new solutions to offer, but would like to say 'hi'.
We only have a part-time cleaning lady as I can't really stand to have a stranger live with me. So for the past 1.5 years, apart from the endless "Goodnight Moon" readings, the only "real" books I've managed to read from cover to cover are "The Baby Book", "The Fussy Baby Book" and "No-Cry Sleep Solutions"...
Spending 10 hours a day nonstop with a bundle of energy is no joke, taking time to blog while serving up dinner is even more killing, but 一句焦急的"where mama?"就足夠支持我15分鐘。
15分鐘15分鐘的頂落去囉！
媽媽阿四,
Thanks for stopping by! Welcome!
Being a mom is really a 24/7 job. I remember watching a TV show here that said full-time mom is the most under-paid job in the country. If you consider how much work, & how big a difference a stay-home mom makes, full-time moms should all be making 6-figure salary!
I can fully understand your struggle as I share exactly the same situation and feelings as yours......
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